Love Machine

Is there anything Cheryl Cole can’t do (or won’t put her name to?) This week saw the launch of her very first shoe collection for Stylist Pick and while most of us would rather she released a new album and everyone crosses their fingers for that Girls Aloud reunion, it looks like that as with everything Cheryl touches - The X Factor USA excepted - her first foray into fashion will turn to gold.

We know these sidelines are considered almost rites of passage for popstars of a certain calibre, but when should they have just stuck to the day job? Fear not readers. Love Machine have come up with a scientific way to decide which musicians are cut out for style and which should just stick to making music. Basically we shout YES or NO, but there’s some science in there somewhere…

GWEN STEFANI - L.A.M.B

Already off to a promising start due to the fact that Gwen named her fashion label after her rather excellent first solo album, as far as we know this is positively thriving. There is also a less expensive spin-off line, Harujuku Lovers which started as “kawaii” focused clothes for teenage fans and is now the brand under which Gwen’s fragrances are released. This year, Gwen also launched Harujuku Mini for children. Meanwhile, there is no sign of the new No Doubt album or a third Gwen solo record… We’ll have to dock points for that.
LM verdict? SUCCESSFUL AT BOTH 

BEYONCE - HOUSE OF DEREON

We don’t think anyone other than Beyoncé, her mum and her sister actually wear House Of Dereon, and we’re pretty sure that even Solange quit this ish a long time ago. Considering how even the weakest Beyoncé output is celebrated to a crazy degree, it’s kinda weird that her clothing line would be such a flop. Why aren’t women everywhere queuing round the block to get some of that bootylicious magic?
LM verdict? INCONSEQUENTIAL 

VICTORIA BECKHAM - VICTORIA BECKHAM

Victoria Beckham is notorious in pop circles for being the only Spice Girl who failed to achieve a solo #1. It seems that Vicky B’s failure to kick start her music career galvanised her real ambition to be a fashion designer because nowadays Victoria Beckham is a respected label worn by many a celebrity for TV appearances and red carpet events. It’s been a bit of a struggle to get there (does anyone remember those tacky Rock & Republic jeans from 2004?) but we’re sure Posh reckons it was all well worth the effort.
LM verdict? BETTER OFF IN FASHION

JENNIFER LOPEZ - JLO

Despite having the most colourful logo of everyone on our list, Jennifer Lopez didn’t do fantastically with her clothing line. In fact there were two - JLO and Sweetface - which adhered to J.Lo’s fashion sense at the time - we seem to remember there was a VELOUR TRACKSUIT in the first collection - but neither have survived. JLO wrapped in 2007 and Sweetface also closed down production in 2009. Jennifer has recently admitted that she didn’t have a clue what she was doing when she launched these labels, but that’s no excuse really, is it Jenny? Apparently a collection for teens still exists called JustSweet but that’s no good for us when we’re shopping for our next Club Love Machine outfit :(
LM verdict? STICK TO BEING A POPSTAR

JESSICA SIMPSON - THE JESSICA SIMPSON COLLECTION 

Jessica Simpson hasn’t really been anything but tabloid fodder since her break up with Nick Lachey, but did you know her fashion line, the Jessica Simpson Collection was projected to generate $1 BILLION this year? Now, Jessica’s musical career isn’t actually anything to sniff at (she’s had two multi-platinum selling albums) but clearly fashion was where her talent lay all along. This from the girl who thought tuna was chicken. The mind boggles.
LM verdict? BETTER OFF IN FASHION 

In part one of our REAL Sound Of 2012 we looked at already established and establishing artists, but in part two, we’re all about the newbies. These acts are the ones we’re supporting in 2012 and hoping they’ll go all the way to the top. 

BUBBLING UNDER

OH MY!

Alex and Jade have been on the pop radar for the better part of the year, but they are yet to make their big splash which is why we’ve categorised them as Bubbling Under. The girls did a great DJ spot at Club Love Machine which proved that if nothing else, they certainly know a great pop tune or two, but they’ve also more than impressed us with their first single ‘Dirty Dancer’ which is one of the best pop songs of the year. Hopefully their connections with mentor Example will see them smash the mainstream in 2012.

JESSIE AND THE TOY BOYS

Jessie Malakouti used to be a Xenomania act and supported The Saturdays on tour. She then reinvented as Jessie And The Toy Boys - which is less a band and more Jessie and a bunch of mannequins - and started releasing some really punchy electropop. Earlier in the year she joined Britney Spears on her US tour and after that we’re not quite sure what’s going on. The music is more than decent though - check out ‘Push It’, ‘Money Makes The Girl Go Round’ and ‘5 O’ Clock’ with Doctor Rosen Rosen.

SIMON CURTIS

We were quite taken with Simon’s single ‘Superhero’ earlier in the year, and the album it was taken from, R∆, was a decent listen too. As far as we can tell, Simon now has management but still no label, so who knows what will happen for him in 2012. He hasn’t done too badly as an “indie” popstar, releasing his first album as a free download and accumulating a solid fanbase. There aren’t that many male popstars doing what Simon is doing, and we’d like for there to be, which is why we hope things will kick up a gear in 2012.

BRIGHT LIGHT BRIGHT LIGHT

Still obsessed with ‘Disco Moment’ probably until our dying day. We know that there’s an album on the horizon, and that all the loose ends are being tied up probably as we speak, but when will it actually be released? We’re in the dark :( Bright Light Bright Light (aka Rod Thomas) is a master at creating big, theatrical epics through his music, which is why we like him. You know those end of the night songs that have you making dramatic poses and singing along at the top of your voice while holding back the tears? That’s what we’re talking about here.

BREAKOUT STARS

LUMINITES

Luminites have us very excited. Their song ‘All Dressed Up’ is very good and the band are incredibly talented. They have a beatboxer! In all seriousness, we know very little of what they have planned for their attack on 2012 but they have partnered with Centrepoint to raise money for homeless young people this Christmas with their cover of ‘Streets Of London’ which is slightly cheesy but highlights the fact that they can really sing. Of everyone on our REAL Sound Of list, we’d most like Luminites to do well for themselves.

MNEK

Whether or not 2012 will see MNEK become a star in his own right remains to be seen, but certainly in the backstage magic areas of songwriting and production, all signs point to a good year. Having already landed a #3 single as co-writer on ‘All Fired Up’ on The Saturdays and been named by The Guardian as one of the 10 producers of the new generation, things can surely only get better?

LAWSON

The music is suitable for grown ups, but Andy, Ryan, Joel and Adam are so good-looking that it’s no wonder they have a strong female fan showing. They went the “indie” route by uploading acoustic videos to YouTube and playing as many gigs as they could, before signing to a major label and looking set to take over in 2012. Their pop rock leanings aren’t exactly tailored to a Love Machine audience (there’s more guitar and no synth, for a start) but at the same time they have a big stadium-pop sound with great sing-a-long hooks that we find irresistible.

DARE TO DREAM

RACHEL STEVENS

We heard a rumour (read a random article) that suggested Rachel Stevens was back in the studio and looking to record new material for her legions of unsatiated pop fans who thought Come And Get It was basically the Holy Grail of music. The next thing we knew, there was new Rachel Stevens material but it wasn’t anything we would ever want on our iPods because it was literally music for children. We’d LOVE a Rachel Stevens comeback, even if she is the most boring woman in pop. The music was great, and that’s all that matters.

S CLUB

If Rachel hasn’t been in the studio for her own purposes, maybe she has been secretly getting things in gear for the S Club reunion which is definitely a real thing and not media fabrication based on the Steps comeback making everyone nostalgic for that early 2000s sound. An S Club return would probably be tainted a little bit by S Club 3’s “career”, but we’d still embrace it wholeheartedly. Especially if they could also reform the Juniors. With Una from The Saturdays having to take some time off to have a baby, Rochelle and Frankie would surely be able to commit, right?

GERI HALLIWELL

We know you’re probably staring at us like we’re crazy for wanting Geri Halliwell to return to music, but allow us to remind you that this is the woman who glued the Spice Girls together, performed at the Brit Awards once in a dress made out of a teatowel and a further time on a pole between giant inflatable legs and achieved four consecutive solo #1 singles on the UK chart - a feat no British female popstar has been able to match. Not even her more talented band mates. Geri Halliwell’s return to music (aided by long-time collaborators Absolute) will either be so bad it’s so good, so bad it’s bad…but still good, or actually genuinely fantastic. Where she slots in on the pop landscape right now is, well, nowhere, but for the novelty of nostalgia, we are truly anticipating this.

GIRLS ALOUD

It’s the reunion EVERYONE wants, desperately craves, dreams about even when they’re not asleep, would give their right arm for… Just us? Okay, well we know you guys want it too. Just maybe not as much. That’s cool. Now there’s nothing concrete confirmed (when is there ever?) but the tenth anniversary of the greatest British girl band since the Spice Girls will be rung in on November 30th 2012 and we’re hoping that we’ll be celebrating it in style with a brand new Girls Aloud song, with a new studio album in the works and a big long tour planned for the summer. The world is scheduled to end 21 days later, but wouldn’t they be the most glorious 21 days ever?

The BBC Sound Of longlist was released yesterday and it’s the usual mix of obvious up and coming stars, will-they / won’t they make it acts and people you’ve never heard of. Thing is, rarely are these nominees the actual Sound Of an entire year - I mean, in 2011 we couldn’t move for Pitbull & Ne-Yo or LMFAO and they didn’t make any Sound Of lists. We’ve decided to predict the REAL Sound Of 2012, based on what will probably be unavoidable in shops, on the radio and come the first Friday of every month at Club Love Machine.

For part one, we’re looking at acts already on our radar who will be blowing up our speakers January to December. From returning old favourites to X Factor alumni, they’re going to be EVERYWHERE next year.

COMEBACK KIDS

MADONNA

Madonna’s first single for 3 years has already leaked in demo form onto the internet and honestly doesn’t sound anything like ‘Beat Of My Drum’ by Head Ginge In Charge Nicola Roberts no matter who tells you different. ‘Give Me All Your Love’ is a Martin Solveig production and it sounds very much like a Martin Solveig production - ie. light, bouncing and lots of fun. Madonna has been confirmed as half-time entertainment at the Super Bowl in February where she will be joined by M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj for the very first live performance of ‘Give Me All Your Love’. Beyond that, another studio album will follow quite soon afterwards with William Orbit also on production duties. Madonna albums are always a huge event and we can’t wait to hear it.

NO DOUBT

The long awaited No Doubt album which by rights we should already have by now, is looking more likely to be with us in the first half of next year. From what the band have revealed in interviews and judging from their tweets, the creative process has been a bit of a strain this time around, with a perfectionist attitude delaying the output. We of course don’t begrudge No Doubt for wanting everything to be just so, but we do wish they’d bloody hurry up with it. And if it could be a bit like ‘Hella Good’ mashed with all the most awesome parts from Gwen’s L.A.M.B. album that would be top notch.

CHERYL COLE

It’s been a tricky year for Ms. Cole. After being unceremoniously dumped from The X Factor USA she’s kept a fairly low profile, only emerging to put her face to charitable and fashion causes (Help The Heroes and her new shoe collection for Stylist Pick, for example). We know a new Cheryl album is coming though, because she’s now pon de Twitter and has been tweeting about it. We also know that she’s been working with people like Taio Cruz, Alex da Kid, Jim Beanz and of course, her manager, mentor and bff will.i.am. Will she improve on the 80% r&b-lite garbage she’s given us so far and deliver ‘Promise This’ x12? We fucking hope so.

STEPS

Now this is a true comeback in every sense of the word. Steps split acrimoniously back in 2001 and now, after ten years, they’ve returned to exorcise their demons and go back on the road for a truly unprecedented nationwide arena tour. Having initially sneered at the idea of a Steps reunion being successful, we had to humbly eat our words after becoming hooked on their Sky Living documentary and buying ourselves tickets to see the band next year. Whether this comeback will yield any new material from Steps, other than their cover of ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’ we don’t know, but we’re definitely onboard for whatever comes next.

X FACTOR FINALISTS

LITTLE MIX

Favourites to win the competition on Sunday night, Little Mix have the potential to finally go all the way and fill that gaping girlband chasm left by the implosion of the Sugababes, the hibernation of Girls Aloud and the failure of The Saturdays to step up and take the throne. What we’d like to see with Little Mix is a killer pop/r&b single that allows them to absolutely own every other artist out there. Like their redefining performance of ‘Don’t Let Go (Love)’ by En Vogue. But an original song.

MISHA B

The Cher Lloyd of X Factor 2011, she never did manage to bounce back from those bullying allegations, but it was clearly obvious from week 1 that Misha B was already a fully-fledged popstar and X Factor wasn’t going to do much for her other than get her recognised. A solid urban-pop album from Misha B would slot very nicely into our iTunes somewhere alongside Missy Elliott and Jennifer Hudson. Rumour has it that she’s already lined up to work with Fazer from N-Dubz. We’d like to request Labrinth and Fraser T Smith too, thanks.

ALEXANDRA BURKE

Everything Alexandra Burke is confusing at the moment. We know absolutely nothing for certain about her next album campaign other than the fact that we know absolutely nothing for certain. Alexandra had some of the best singles of 2009 and 2010 though and so we have every confidence that 2012 will bring us more of the same. Okay.com. Thank you.

CHER LLOYD

Obnoxious teen-brat Cher Lloyd actually managed to pull it out of the bag in the album department and she hasn’t performed too badly on the singles front either. We expect next year to bring a lot more brash, balls out swagger-pop from the girl that puts dub on the track. BRING IT ON.

NEW-ISH KIDS ON THE BLOCK

LABRINTH

Famed for being the sound-whizz behind Tinie Tempah’s biggest hits, Labrinth released his first solo single ‘Let The Sun Shine’ in 2010 and then disappeared for a bit. No one could have known he would return in the last few months of 2011 with a monster tune like ‘Earthquake’ which is sonically incredible. His debut album is coming soon, and we fully expect it to be the next ‘21’. Except maybe not quite that successful.

EMELI SANDE

Emeli Sandé did an excellent job of establishing herself as hard-hitter in the last half of 2011 and if anything on her album is as good as ‘Heaven’, that reign will continue into 2012. Bet on it. She’s also been writing for Susan Boyle and Leona Lewis, extending her musical reach to the kind of people who listen to music by Susan Boyle and Leona Lewis… supermarket shoppers.

COVER DRIVE

‘Lick Ya Down’ was a top 10 hit for this Caribbean pop band that sound a bit like a Rihanna you can take home to meet your parents and we genuinely love their vibrant, tropical sound. If all goes to plan, they’ll be on every T4 and Capital line up possible throughout 2012. 

Part 2 tomorrow…

How many Christmas parties this year will be offering you the opportunity to find yourself under the mistletoe with Cheryl Cole? Probably only ones thrown by Ms. Cole herself. And that’s why the Love Machine Xmas party last Friday was awesome - we give you what no one else can:

Click-through to see the photos from the night and tag yourself if you were there. If you missed out, don’t worry, we’ll be back again in the New Year to bring you the same kind of fun. Just with less baubles.