Love Machine

We love Nuhdeen Coyle here at Love Machine and so we jumped at the opportunity to grill the lady herself. We talked about Girls Aloud, NYC and Tesco before leaving with the over-whelming urge to buy her album.

Get comfy, guys. You may need subtitles…

Nuhdeen, it’s Love Machine’s second birthday next month - what did Girls Aloud do to celebrate their second birthday? 
Ay remember the day so clayurly because that was the day we had a fayt wuth all of the Pointer Sehsters. We’d jest released Jump and then foiund oiut they were gettung most of oiur royalties. We were oiutrayjed and they were un the UK, one event led to another and well… uf yew thunk the Leona Lewus/Avicii thang was bad, yew should’ve seen thus. There was weave snatchung, nupple crupples, one of them got Serrah un a headlock and started doung that noogie thang wuth her knuckles. We lost so badly because Chehrul was oiut of play after that toilet attendant thang and Nehcahlah was stull sensutuve aboit beyung ginger un those days. All one of them had to do was shoiut ‘GINGER’ at her and shay curled up un the fetal position un the middle of the alleyway, ut was awful. After tendung to oiur bruises, we jest had a party and got drunk. That was nayce.

How will you celebrate the second birthday of your seminal debut record Insatiable? 
Weve got a surprayse party planned and ayv ordered Unsayshuhbul her favourite cake. Obvayuslay aym jokung but sometayms ay do feel layk ut’s may chayld, ayv even pondered waht the birth would have been layk. Ut’d bey un the the middle of Tesco’s, rayt next to the potatoes. Aym not sure waht ay’ll actuhallay bey doung yet, look oiut on may Twehttur page fur details closer to the date but ye’ll definitely have to send presents. Aym tellung yew noiw so yew can get them nayce and ehrlay.

Which Girls Aloud song would you like us to play in honour of you at next month’s club night? 
Aym guessung ye’ll have all the singles covered so ay’ll go fur an aylbum track. Hoiw aboit Gerrl Overboard? Ut’s one of may favourites from may favourite Gerrls Aloid aylbum. Ayv actuhallay wrutten a letter to James Cameron, askung hum to make ut the theme tune fur Titanuc 3D. Ay have lots of fond memories from the Tangled Up recordung sessions. Ut was the ferrst aylbum Brayun Hugguns dudn’t use corporal punushment when we made mustakes, not even when ay let oiut an accidental ad lub. Yew have no idea hoiw mehnay raps oiver may knuckles ay got fur that when recordung Soiund of the Undergroiund.

You rebranded from Nuhdeen Wurldwiyd to Nuhdeen 2.0 to NuhdeenCoyleNow - what can we expect from the new you? 
Ay kaynda feel layk Nuhdeen 2.0 was jest the brudge between Nuhdeen Wurlwiyd and NuhdeenCoyleNow. Layk when The Saturdays dud that Headlayns thang and ehvrayone was layk ‘waht the heyll us goung on? Half an aylbum wuth some of yer last aylbum’s tracks on ut?!’ That’s exactly waht aym goung fur, that sense of confusion untul yew feel layk ye’ll jest have to hashtag beymayaylbum to understand ut. Ayv been remuxung Unsayshuhbul to guve the songs a US friendly vaybe and aym addung some new tracks on there. But reuhallay, yew can’t perfect perfection and that’s waht Unsayshuhbul us as aym sure ye’ll agree.

Are you still signed to Tesco? 
Well technicallay aym on may own label, Black Biro Records. Ut’s great to have that creatuve control over may musuc, aym not sayung ut wasn’t duffucult doung ut on may own. Ay would have to stop recordung mudway throiugh sessions because people would need the toilet and ay recorded a lot of the aylbum un may bathroom fur the acoiustucs. One song dudn’t make the aylbum purely because ay recorded ut oiutsayd the bathroom and yew can hear someone flush durung the second verse. Ut dudn’t soiund rayt re-recorded wuthoiut the flush and Tesco dudn’t thunk ut was a good idea puttung the original on the aylbum. Havung may own label also means ay can sign people up though. Ay plan on takung on some protégés and luvung off their successes layk Mathew Knowles at some point.

What’s it really like being single in NYC? 
Well ay never got to go to univehrsuhtay, ay barely went to school because ay was too busy lyung may way throiugh audition after audition trayung to make ut, ay was almost cast un a Rosa Parks musucal as a young Rosa untul may lies caught up wuth may. So aym treatung New York vehray much layk univehrsuhtay. Aym experimentung wuth may sexualuhtay a but, ay kussed a gerrl and ay layked ut. Doesn’t that soiund layk the basus to a great track. As yew can see, single layf un New York has definitely opened may up creatuvelay. Plus the gerrls are hot.

When will Girls Aloud reunite?
23rd July 2012. Ha, aym jest messung wuth yew! Yew geys are so desperate, ay love ut. Ay have no idea but ay hope ut’s soon too. Ut’d bey so nayce to do somethang fur oiur tenth annivehrsary and aym not talkung aboit a tandem sky dive fur charity aythur. Aym talkung somethang that pays cold, hard cash layk a turr. That’d bey good, wouldn’t ut?

When was the last time you saw or spoke to the rest of the band? 
Ay thunk ay last spoke to Kemburley when we were doung that Kut Kat promotion thang. Shay said ‘pass may that Kut Kat, Nuhdeen’, uf ay’d known that was goung to be the last taym, ay would’ve made her say ‘thaeynk yew’. Ay used to talk to Chehrul all the taym throiugh may TV on X Factor but noiw that gerrl whose name soiunds layk somethang ye’d bey at KFC has her job. When ay foiund oiut aboit that, ay dud waht ay dud when Javine mussed oiut on a place un Gerrls Aloid. Ay got the champers oiut and celebrated. Oh, actuallay, don’t prunt that. So ehnayway, aym always talkung to Nehcahlah on the Twehttur but shay jest ugnores may, ay thunk shay’s goung throiugh her rude ginger bitch phase again. Ay know aym furgettung someone… May mind us drawung a blank but yeah, ay muss her so much. Aym sure we’ll catch up soon.

Cheryl tweeted that she was watching the Tangled Up tour dvd and it gave her goosebumps - how does the Tangled Up tour dvd make you react?
The press us always goung on aboit hoiw much we secretly hate each ehthur but waht ay feel when ay watch that turr us the genuine love between best friends. Look at us on that swaaang durung Untouchuhbul, ehnayone of us could’ve pushed the ehthurs off that platform causung unstant death or at least suhrayus unjury but we dudn’t. That’s true friendshup, uf yew don’t feel the love whale watchung that turr, there’s somethang wrong wuth yew… or yer Javine. Havung said that, there were tayms durung some shows where ut looked layk Nehcahlah reuhallay wanted to push may off but noiw ay thunk aboit ut, ut was probablay jest the lights shinung un her eyes. 

Finally - what would you like to say to everyone reading this interview?
Ay’d layk to send may love to all the geys oiut there who bought may aylbum. To those who haven’t, yer mussung oiut on double clubcard points, yew complete Javine Hylton supportung umbaciles. Ay hope ehvrayone has a lovelay taym celebraytung Love Mushayn’s birthday, thus Gerrls Aloid nayt soiunds layk such great craic! Ay so want to bey there but may passport hasn’t been seen sunce 2006. Aym actuhallay un the US ulleygally. Oh, don’t prunt that. Ehnayway, ay’ll see yew all soon, hopefully un circumstances where yev had to pay to see may.

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