Love Machine

We haven’t done a long video review for ages, because we haven’t been that fussed on any of the videos that have come out recently. However, Katy Perry hasn’t really had a dud video for her entire album campaign and the video for sixth single ‘The One That Got Away’ is no exception.

Without further ado, here is the Love Machine screencap review:

A modest detached residence in the year 2076. We are the 1%

Russell Brand in the year 2076. He’s aged remarkably well.

Katy Perry hanging out in her walk-in wardrobe in the year 2076. The times may have changed, but classic old lady fashion is timeless.

We like this screen cap because we’re a big fan of what teapots will look like in 2076. Like hi-tech watering cans.

FLASHBACK! A young Katy Perry of the past and her boyfriend (real-life actor Diego Luna) are chilling out, drawing and painting some stuff.

They’re not very good :(

Young Katy Perry paints on a moustache, because she is dead quirky and original and moustaches are so ironic and amusing hahahahaha.

Motorcycle? Check. Leather jacket? Check. Fancy retro camera? Check. This is what life looks like if permanently viewed through an instagram filter.

Let’s take polaroid snaps of ourselves in our cool vintage attire! Being a dickhead’s cool!

Still in the FLASHBACK! Young Katy Perry’s boyfriend surprises her…

…by taking her to a party at an Old People’s Home. Because clubbing with people your own age is so mainstream.

Young Katy Perry’s boyfriend steals the pink veil from the head of a fellow partygoer.

This act of larceny apparently still haunts Katy Perry into the future and beyond.

FLASHBACK! again and Young Katy Perry is letting her boyfriend do a DIY tattoo on her arm. It doesn’t look very sterile, we hope she doesn’t catch hepatitis.

Of course, the Katy Perry in the future still has the tattoo on her arm, because tattoos are a PERMANENT ADDITION TO YOUR SKIN and you should think that through before you let some dickhead bloke scratch a crappy design on to you FOREVER.

After some sleep, Young Katy Perry wakes up in her clothes from the night before and probably the same make up too. Slob.

For some reason, Young Katy Perry suddenly appears in the future. Imagine that crawling out of your wardrobe in the middle of the night…

…and then standing in the doorway watching you sleep.

And it’s another FLASHBACK! Young Katy Perry can’t think of what to draw on her big canvas because she’s still tired and hungover from her night out on the tiles at the Old People’s Home.

Young Katy Perry’s boyfriend gets angry for some reason and forces Katy to do a big black scribble on her canvas.

In retaliation, Katy squirts red paint all over his masterpiece. Understandably, he is a bit pissed off.

In the future, Young Katy and old Katy sit on the bed and sing to each other. It’s weird and doesn’t make sense.

In the FLASHBACK! Young Katy’s boyfriend takes his guitar and gets in his car angrily.

In the future, Old Katy Perry gets into a very similar car, but sadly.

Back to FLASHBACK! The stolen veil just fell onto Young Katy Perry’s boyfriend’s lap. He looks down at it instead of concentrating on the road…

…where someone has left some random boulders! Who would do such a thing?

Oh.

This inevitably happens :(

In the future, Young Katy Perry from the past collapses in the wardrobe.

Meanwhile, Old Katy Perry has driven to the scene of the accident.

In a very Titanic-esque scene, the boyfriend appears to Old Katy Perry and they hold hands with their matching tattoo arms.

As Johnny Cash plays, the boyfriend disappears and Old Katy Perry turns and walks away as the screen fades to black…

Okay, despite our “hilarious” commentary, it’s actually a very touching video, for a very touching song. The editing is poorly done, so it’s hard to get a proper sense of the storyline, but the important points are obvious and we suppose that’s all that should matter.

7/10, Katy Perry.