Love Machine

The Saturdays are back back back.

After the career-saving brilliance of Higher (including the money-wasting pointlessness of the Flo Rida Saturdays-register-calling guest spot), everything feels a lot more positive around the Saturdays’ camp. They haven’t wasted any time cracking on with the first single from a hopefully brilliant new album, so we won’t waste any time giving it the full rundown, in pictorial form, with notes.(or.we.assume that’s what we’ve written)

Is that the most shoehorned pun ever on Love Machine? You decide readers. Anyway, here we go…….

Opening shot. A big, white, executive prison. In other words: an office building.

A big massive clanger of a subtle hint. The Saturdays still have their eye on that chart-topping spot.

Group shot. The Saturdays do “sexy Mad Men secretary”. What we can deduce from this shot is that Frankie and Vanessa have better eyesight than Rochelle, Una and Frankie.

A reasonable chart position. Respectable. Acceptable. More realistic perhaps…

Feet from the back. It’s hard to guess which legs are which even by process of elimination because Vanessa and Rochelle don’t seem to be brown anymore.

Aha! While in LA, The Saturdays clearly spent some time interning at Mode. You can’t see, but Daniel Meade and Ugly Betty are hanging out in the background there.

Rochelle is already tired and bored. Anyone who has watched any “fly-on-the-wall” show involving The Saturdays will know that 47 seconds without complaining about the workload is a Sats record.

The phone is ringing. VERSE 01 IS INCOMING!! (This is a quite genius idea.)

Which ‘Day is the verse for? If only they had a secretary to field these kind of calls.

Oh, it was for Rochelle. Back to work, non-singing ladies.

The girls get stamping their NOTORIOUS mark all over everything.

Meanwhile, Vanessa has The Bridge (we think - it’s got an odd structure, this song) on line 6.

One of those ‘Days is a bit of an enthusiastic and overly efficient stamper person. Probably Frankie.

Lunch break! The girls have gone back to the lift to show us where they want Parade’s next single to chart.

SOUND THE OBVIOUS PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALARM!

Hair is being let down and buttons are being undone…someone might have spliced in a sequence from a grown-up movie here, we can’t be sure.

In case you’ve forgotten the title of the song already, here’s a helpful hint. We’re currently in the process of trademarking Memo Belts and taking our idea on Dragons Den.

With everyone changed into appropriate outfits, the girls get the party started early. In the lift. Well it’s no more claustrophobic than your average club night, we suppose.

The lift doors open on The Saturdays looking almost like a team of superheroes, except they did that idea already in another video for another song. +10 points for effective use of wind machine.

This is definitely where the party is at, because there is a breakdancing man in the middle of bustin’ a move.

Legs from the front! Note that the skirts are now much shorter because The Saturdays are no longer conducting business, they are in The Club and they are going to Get Down.

It is commonly known (based on exhibit any paparazzi shot ever) that Una is the lairiest ‘Day when she’s had a few. COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YOU’RE ‘ARD ENOUGH.

That is universal DJ code for “this song is amazing and you’re all gonna go mad for it”.

Hair whipping to put Willow Smith to shame. Are all these people colleagues? Do they all work in the building? Or is this just a permanent party with professional party people shipped in to add ambience? Hmmmm…

The girls show off their signature dance moves. Una’s favourite is “Use Right Guard”.

Vanessa’s is the “I Can Lick My Own Elbow”.

Rochelle perfects the “Sexy Downward Gaze But Actually I’m Just Checking My Boobs Haven’t Popped Out Of This Top I Didn’t Realise Was So Low Cut When I Bought It” move.

Frankie executing the “Pushing Sweaty Hair Off My Face But Pouting And Making It Part Of My Routine” move.

Mollie and the “Oh Em Gee, Did My Ex Just Turn Up With That Bimbo From Human Resources?” move.

Oh look, a vinyl! I bet it has a really amazing b-side on it that you can’t buy on CD or download because that would be really typical Fascination/Polydor behaviour WOULDN’T IT?

Loads of split screeny madness went down, but it was a) pointless and b) too difficult to screencap a good example so we’ve cut straight to this group shot of The Saturdays dancing.

Hands in the air - universal sign language for “we’re having a good time tonight.” Or in the lunch hour.

Another group shot. Some mysterious lines are invading the frame, what could they be?

IT’S THE TITLE OF THE SONG AGAIN, DON’T FORGET IT, YOU’LL NEED TO BE ABLE TO TYPE IT IN TO ITUNES AND GET THE SATURDAYS TO #1!!! The End.