Love Machine

Posts tagged Cheryl Cole

Stick To The Day Job?

Is there anything Cheryl Cole can’t do (or won’t put her name to?) This week saw the launch of her very first shoe collection for Stylist Pick and while most of us would rather she released a new album and everyone crosses their fingers for that Girls Aloud reunion, it looks like that as with everything Cheryl touches - The X Factor USA excepted - her first foray into fashion will turn to gold.

We know these sidelines are considered almost rites of passage for popstars of a certain calibre, but when should they have just stuck to the day job? Fear not readers. Love Machine have come up with a scientific way to decide which musicians are cut out for style and which should just stick to making music. Basically we shout YES or NO, but there’s some science in there somewhere…

GWEN STEFANI - L.A.M.B

Already off to a promising start due to the fact that Gwen named her fashion label after her rather excellent first solo album, as far as we know this is positively thriving. There is also a less expensive spin-off line, Harujuku Lovers which started as “kawaii” focused clothes for teenage fans and is now the brand under which Gwen’s fragrances are released. This year, Gwen also launched Harujuku Mini for children. Meanwhile, there is no sign of the new No Doubt album or a third Gwen solo record… We’ll have to dock points for that.
LM verdict? SUCCESSFUL AT BOTH

BEYONCE - HOUSE OF DEREON

We don’t think anyone other than Beyoncé, her mum and her sister actually wear House Of Dereon, and we’re pretty sure that even Solange quit this ish a long time ago. Considering how even the weakest Beyoncé output is celebrated to a crazy degree, it’s kinda weird that her clothing line would be such a flop. Why aren’t women everywhere queuing round the block to get some of that bootylicious magic?
LM verdict? INCONSEQUENTIAL

VICTORIA BECKHAM - VICTORIA BECKHAM

Victoria Beckham is notorious in pop circles for being the only Spice Girl who failed to achieve a solo #1. It seems that Vicky B’s failure to kick start her music career galvanised her real ambition to be a fashion designer because nowadays Victoria Beckham is a respected label worn by many a celebrity for TV appearances and red carpet events. It’s been a bit of a struggle to get there (does anyone remember those tacky Rock & Republic jeans from 2004?) but we’re sure Posh reckons it was all well worth the effort.
LM verdict? BETTER OFF IN FASHION

JENNIFER LOPEZ - JLO

Despite having the most colourful logo of everyone on our list, Jennifer Lopez didn’t do fantastically with her clothing line. In fact there were two - JLO and Sweetface - which adhered to J.Lo’s fashion sense at the time - we seem to remember there was a VELOUR TRACKSUIT in the first collection - but neither have survived. JLO wrapped in 2007 and Sweetface also closed down production in 2009. Jennifer has recently admitted that she didn’t have a clue what she was doing when she launched these labels, but that’s no excuse really, is it Jenny? Apparently a collection for teens still exists called JustSweet but that’s no good for us when we’re shopping for our next Club Love Machine outfit :(
LM verdict? STICK TO BEING A POPSTAR

JESSICA SIMPSON - THE JESSICA SIMPSON COLLECTION

Jessica Simpson hasn’t really been anything but tabloid fodder since her break up with Nick Lachey, but did you know her fashion line, the Jessica Simpson Collection was projected to generate $1 BILLION this year? Now, Jessica’s musical career isn’t actually anything to sniff at (she’s had two multi-platinum selling albums) but clearly fashion was where her talent lay all along. This from the girl who thought tuna was chicken. The mind boggles.
LM verdict? BETTER OFF IN FASHION

Love Machine’s REAL Sound Of 2012 (Part 1)

The BBC Sound Of longlist was released yesterday and it’s the usual mix of obvious up and coming stars, will-they / won’t they make it acts and people you’ve never heard of. Thing is, rarely are these nominees the actual Sound Of an entire year - I mean, in 2011 we couldn’t move for Pitbull & Ne-Yo or LMFAO and they didn’t make any Sound Of lists. We’ve decided to predict the REAL Sound Of 2012, based on what will probably be unavoidable in shops, on the radio and come the first Friday of every month at Club Love Machine.

For part one, we’re looking at acts already on our radar who will be blowing up our speakers January to December. From returning old favourites to X Factor alumni, they’re going to be EVERYWHERE next year.

COMEBACK KIDS

MADONNA

Madonna’s first single for 3 years has already leaked in demo form onto the internet and honestly doesn’t sound anything like ‘Beat Of My Drum’ by Head Ginge In Charge Nicola Roberts no matter who tells you different. ‘Give Me All Your Love’ is a Martin Solveig production and it sounds very much like a Martin Solveig production - ie. light, bouncing and lots of fun. Madonna has been confirmed as half-time entertainment at the Super Bowl in February where she will be joined by M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj for the very first live performance of ‘Give Me All Your Love’. Beyond that, another studio album will follow quite soon afterwards with William Orbit also on production duties. Madonna albums are always a huge event and we can’t wait to hear it.

NO DOUBT

The long awaited No Doubt album which by rights we should already have by now, is looking more likely to be with us in the first half of next year. From what the band have revealed in interviews and judging from their tweets, the creative process has been a bit of a strain this time around, with a perfectionist attitude delaying the output. We of course don’t begrudge No Doubt for wanting everything to be just so, but we do wish they’d bloody hurry up with it. And if it could be a bit like ‘Hella Good’ mashed with all the most awesome parts from Gwen’s L.A.M.B. album that would be top notch.

CHERYL COLE

It’s been a tricky year for Ms. Cole. After being unceremoniously dumped from The X Factor USA she’s kept a fairly low profile, only emerging to put her face to charitable and fashion causes (Help The Heroes and her new shoe collection for Stylist Pick, for example). We know a new Cheryl album is coming though, because she’s now pon de Twitter and has been tweeting about it. We also know that she’s been working with people like Taio Cruz, Alex da Kid, Jim Beanz and of course, her manager, mentor and bff will.i.am. Will she improve on the 80% r&b-lite garbage she’s given us so far and deliver ‘Promise This’ x12? We fucking hope so.

STEPS

Now this is a true comeback in every sense of the word. Steps split acrimoniously back in 2001 and now, after ten years, they’ve returned to exorcise their demons and go back on the road for a truly unprecedented nationwide arena tour. Having initially sneered at the idea of a Steps reunion being successful, we had to humbly eat our words after becoming hooked on their Sky Living documentary and buying ourselves tickets to see the band next year. Whether this comeback will yield any new material from Steps, other than their cover of ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’ we don’t know, but we’re definitely onboard for whatever comes next.

X FACTOR FINALISTS

LITTLE MIX

Favourites to win the competition on Sunday night, Little Mix have the potential to finally go all the way and fill that gaping girlband chasm left by the implosion of the Sugababes, the hibernation of Girls Aloud and the failure of The Saturdays to step up and take the throne. What we’d like to see with Little Mix is a killer pop/r&b single that allows them to absolutely own every other artist out there. Like their redefining performance of ‘Don’t Let Go (Love)’ by En Vogue. But an original song.

MISHA B

The Cher Lloyd of X Factor 2011, she never did manage to bounce back from those bullying allegations, but it was clearly obvious from week 1 that Misha B was already a fully-fledged popstar and X Factor wasn’t going to do much for her other than get her recognised. A solid urban-pop album from Misha B would slot very nicely into our iTunes somewhere alongside Missy Elliott and Jennifer Hudson. Rumour has it that she’s already lined up to work with Fazer from N-Dubz. We’d like to request Labrinth and Fraser T Smith too, thanks.

ALEXANDRA BURKE

Everything Alexandra Burke is confusing at the moment. We know absolutely nothing for certain about her next album campaign other than the fact that we know absolutely nothing for certain. Alexandra had some of the best singles of 2009 and 2010 though and so we have every confidence that 2012 will bring us more of the same. Okay.com. Thank you.

CHER LLOYD

Obnoxious teen-brat Cher Lloyd actually managed to pull it out of the bag in the album department and she hasn’t performed too badly on the singles front either. We expect next year to bring a lot more brash, balls out swagger-pop from the girl that puts dub on the track. BRING IT ON.

NEW-ISH KIDS ON THE BLOCK

LABRINTH

Famed for being the sound-whizz behind Tinie Tempah’s biggest hits, Labrinth released his first solo single ‘Let The Sun Shine’ in 2010 and then disappeared for a bit. No one could have known he would return in the last few months of 2011 with a monster tune like ‘Earthquake’ which is sonically incredible. His debut album is coming soon, and we fully expect it to be the next ‘21’. Except maybe not quite that successful.

EMELI SANDE

Emeli Sandé did an excellent job of establishing herself as hard-hitter in the last half of 2011 and if anything on her album is as good as ‘Heaven’, that reign will continue into 2012. Bet on it. She’s also been writing for Susan Boyle and Leona Lewis, extending her musical reach to the kind of people who listen to music by Susan Boyle and Leona Lewis… supermarket shoppers.

COVER DRIVE

‘Lick Ya Down’ was a top 10 hit for this Caribbean pop band that sound a bit like a Rihanna you can take home to meet your parents and we genuinely love their vibrant, tropical sound. If all goes to plan, they’ll be on every T4 and Capital line up possible throughout 2012.

Part 2 tomorrow…

The Fix Factor is our new favourite thing

We’ve already talked about it this week, but it bears repeating: this year’s X Factor is boring. Know what isn’t boring? THE FIX FACTOR.

We’re not entirely sure who is behind this brilliant and hilarious artwork, but we’d like to firmly shake their hand and kiss them on both cheeks. Here are our five favourite Fix Factor comics, presented without comment: